Q. I have been preparing for the UPSC exam for the last five years. I am an average student, but I believe in myself. I live in a toxic family where people fight daily. They don’t support me. We are also financially weak. I shared my feelings, but they don’t understand. I am under stress and losing focus. Sometimes, I feel I might go into depression. I want to build my career before marriage. What should I do?
Answer. First of All – I’m Sorry You’re Going Through This It’s sad but true—according to the Mental Health Survey of India (2015-16), around 7.3% of adolescents aged 13–17 suffer from mental disorders due to family stress and conflict. Toxic Family unfortunately is everywhere.
But the point is how to deal with them. How you can overcome this situation. All you need is a strong mindset and the right approach. I’m here to offer a solution that helps you grow and protect your peace.
Step 1: Understand the Problem
There are two types of problems in life:
🔹 Internal Problems:
These are within your control—like inconsistency, procrastination, lack of discipline, and lack of skills. These can be fixed by building better habits and changing your mindset.
🔹 External Problems:
These are out of your control—such as family fights, financial struggles, or toxic family not supporting you. You might cry or yell, but they won’t change. Why? Because they believe they’re right, just like you do. This emotional clash leads to pain and confusion.
Common External Problems Students Face:
- Parents fighting over petty issues
- Constant financial stress
- More expenses, less income
- Loss of a loved one
- Differences in opinions
- Alcoholic father
- Toxic Family environment
- Family members avoiding responsibilities
- Societal pressure
- Brother’s marriage issues
- Sister-in-law not adjusting
- Pressure to get married
- Lack of stable career
- Losing a job
- Chronic health problems
- Relationship struggles
- Unsupportive family
- Physical abuse
- Verbal/emotional abuse
- Toxic family dynamics
- Toxic work or office
- Feeling that life is unfair
If you’re facing any of these—you’re not alone. And if you’re not, be grateful, because you’ve already conquered a huge challenge in life.
Step 2: Ask Yourself These 7 Questions
Reflect deeply:
- Are these problems really in your control?
- Are you truly responsible for all of them?
- Did you invite these into your life?
- Do you overthink when problems occur?
- Does overthinking help solve them?
- When your loved ones hurt you, do they even care?
- Do you genuinely want to fix your situation?
If your answer is yes to question 7, then let’s move forward.
Step 3: The Real Problem Is Not Your Toxic Family – It’s Your Mindset
Yes, you may be in a toxic environment, facing emotional pain and financial issues But your expectations from the wrong people (even if they are your parents or siblings) are what hurt you the most. Stop depending on people who repeatedly fail to support you. When you do, you end up blaming them or yourself—a cycle that keeps you stuck.
Step 4: Accept This Truth
Problems are a part of life. Some are fixable, others are not. But the only thing 100% in your control is your mindset—how you deal with situations and people.
Step 5: 9 Practical Steps to Regain Control
- Never allow anyone to destroy your inner peace.
- Don’t give toxic people your emotional energy.
- Toxic people are everywhere-but your mind doesn’t have to become toxic.
- Taking stress is a choice.
- Right now, your career is your top priority.
- Think about long-term goals, not temporary pain.
- Toxic people are temporary. Success will give you freedom.
- You deserve emotional, mental, and financial freedom.
- A few hours of negativity can’t ruin your entire future.
Step 6: How to Handle Daily Toxic Family Situations at Home
The fights and negativity don’t last 24 hours. Use the calm moments wisely.
- Wake up when others are asleep – yes, it’s hard, but it’s your ticket to peace.
- Track how many hours you’re actually disturbed – often it’s not as much as it feels.
- Avoid participating in drama-give your time if needed, but not your energy.
Step 7: 7 Ways to Build Your Daily Discipline
- Return to your safe space after emotional turmoil.
- Take a short nap to refresh your brain.
- Fix specific study hours and stick to them no matter what.
- Give yourself 1 to 4 hours daily for focused study or learning.
- Never go to bed without achieving your daily learning goal.
- Remember: Stress destroys focus, and your career hates stress.
- Set realistic goals and forgive yourself if you miss once—but don’t give up.
Step 8: Learn a Backup Skill
If UPSC doesn’t work out due to competition, your additional skill (digital marketing, writing, coding, design, etc.) will help you earn independently.
This is not giving up—this is being smart and prepared.
Final Advice: Focus on One Word
Pick one powerful word and let it guide you every single day:
- Freedom
- Career
- Success
- UPSC
- Money
Whenever you feel low, just remember that word. Hit your daily target—even if your situation hasn’t changed—and you’ll feel powerful, because you’re getting one step closer to your dream life.
We’re Here to Support You
If you’re going through a hard time and want to talk, you’re not alone. Feel free to share your situation. We’ll try our best to support you. Stay strong. Stay consistent. You are not your environment—you are your vision.