Q.I am Parag, a 30-year-old man. I recently got married, and it has been three months now. In the beginning, everything was good, but after two to three months, things started getting messy. My wife has some issues with my family. Sometimes, she behaves unexpectedly.
She doesn’t know how to do household chores and constantly discusses every family matter of mine with her mother. I have told her not to do this, especially since I don’t share anything about her with my family. But she refuses to understand. I don’t want any interference in my married life from either side.
I don’t want to separate from her, as I care for her deeply. But her behavior gives me stress and anxiety. She is good to me and takes care of me, but she doesn’t like my family.
My family respects, loves, and takes care of her, but she does not value their efforts. I am unable to handle this situation. I overthink a lot at night, and my nights are sleepless due to all this overthinking.
I try to make her understand, but she argues with me a lot. She says I don’t support her and that I always support my family. However, she insults my family, argues with my father and my sister, and behaves in ways that disturb the peace of our home.
Ans. Parag, this is a very common issue in many Indian families.
Sometimes, in-laws are kind and caring but struggle with a daughter-in-law who doesn’t easily adjust. In other situations, the daughter-in-law genuinely tries, but the in-laws fail to value her efforts.
Having a perfect balance between both is rare.
And in the middle of all this, the son, brother, and husband often finds himself torn between two worlds.
I completely understand your situation.
Let’s break this down from two different perspectives, and by the end, we’ll try to discover a balanced path that helps you manage things with maturity and peace.
Perspective 1: Your Family Is Right, but Your Wife’s Behavior Is Troubling
This situation can feel emotionally exhausting, but it’s not unmanageable.
What You Can Do as a Husband:
- Give her space and time. Emotional adjustment takes patience.
- Help her understand your family’s values and assure her of their intentions.
- Be a mature husband and son. Avoid doing anything that triggers emotional pain.
- If she respects you, she will likely start respecting your family too over time.
- When she reacts or argues during conversations, don’t mirror her tone. Instead, calmly explain what’s right and wrong.
If she says:
“You always take your family’s side,”
Then instead of reacting defensively, gently talk to your family. Say:
“I’ve done my best, but things are getting worse. I need your support too.”
If your family is emotionally mature, they will eventually understand and support your efforts.
When the Marital Bond Is Strong But Family Issues Exist
If your bond with your wife is otherwise healthy, and the only issue is her relationship with your family, then it’s time to divide emotional responsibilities:
- Let your wife and family work through their side of the conflict gradually.
- You cannot leave your wife just because of family friction.
- And you shouldn’t abandon your family either.
Balance is the key.
Whoever—your wife or your family—is more understanding should take the first step. Somebody needs to break the cycle.
Your wife has left her home and comfort zone to be with you.
She is now your first responsibility. And with time, your parents will understand that she’s your life partner—the one who’s going to walk with you in every phase of life.
💡 A Heartfelt Note to Young Married Women
This is an uncomfortable but real issue.
In fact, according to a survey by Shaadi.com, over 60% of marital disputes in India stem from family interference, especially from the wife’s side. And in many family counseling sessions, experts have noted that emotional dependency on parents is one of the biggest causes of divorce in urban India.
Yes—mothers’ interference is one of the top contributors to marital strain.
Sometimes, parents—especially mothers—don’t realize how their continuous advice or emotional attachment can become toxic for their daughter’s married life.
👩🦰 Dear Daughters:
It’s okay to share your life updates with your parents.
But oversharing, and worse, blindly acting on every suggestion, can destroy a happy home.
Every family has its own rhythm. Yours might be different from your in-laws—and that’s okay.
Just don’t make every disagreement a problem you need to “fix” immediately through your parents.
Ask yourself:
If your brother’s wife did exactly what her mother told her to do, how would you feel?
You wouldn’t like that either.
So yes, adjustment must be mutual—not expected from one side alone.
Perspective 2: Your Wife Is Right, but Your Family Might Be the Problem
Parag, you’ve spent over three decades with your family.
You know their strengths and flaws. If you truly feel your wife is right and your family is being unfair, then stand by your wife with love and clarity.
🤲 How to Handle the Situation Gracefully:
- Always stay polite and calm during tense moments.
- Try to become a bridge—help both sides understand each other without taking sides.
- Listen without judgment when either party is venting.
- If someone is wrong—be it your parents or your wife—correct them gently. If they don’t listen, let time teach.
- Appreciate your wife. A little praise goes a long way in building emotional trust.
- Once your wife feels supported and secure, she’ll be more open to your thoughts, suggestions, and even compromises.
A peaceful home begins when at least one person stays emotionally grounded—let that person be you.
Final Thoughts: What If Nothing Changes?
If despite your efforts, your wife still:
- Doesn’t listen,
- Over-shares with her mother, or
- Makes all decisions based on her parents’ opinions…
Then don’t jump into anger or frustration.
Instead:
- Talk to someone in her family who is wise and emotionally neutral—maybe an elder sibling or father figure.
- Let them explain to her why emotional detachment from parents (after marriage) is healthy and necessary.
- Meanwhile, ask your family to be patient and understanding. Let them show maturity instead of reacting.
Healing Takes Time — But It Does Happen
Whether it’s you, your wife, or your parents—every person needs time to adjust.
We cannot force bonding, understanding, or peace. But we can create the environment for it.
✅ Give people space.
✅ Learn from every conflict.
✅ Don’t overthink every word spoken.
✅ Choose kindness and calm communication.
One day, everything will settle.
What seems chaotic today will feel like a learning chapter tomorrow.